Conversations Brought to You by My Kids

My kids are hilarious and sweet and clever. They make me laugh every day, and they teach me a lot more than I ever could have thought possible. Here are some conversations I’ve had with my son, (Little Man, age 3) and daughter (Girly Girl, age 4), or that they’ve had with themselves. Enjoy and have a better day!

NOTE: For all of you who know my kids: I’ve chosen not to use their names. This blog is not just for family and friends, so my husband and I feel it’s necessary to keep their names from floating around on the open and free internet. We will refer to our daughter as Girly Girl (GG) and our son Little Man (LM). Remember this in your comments!

Girly Girl: Mom, I accidentally scabbered myself on the way out of the bathroom.
Me: What does that mean?
GG: You know, when it gets on your brain…and it looks like you scratched yourself with three of your fingers…
Me:……………………..
Me: Little Man, I don’t want you playing around in the kitchen when I’m not in there.
LM: Why?
Me: Because it could be dangerous.
LM: WHAT?! You mean there are ALLIGATORS??!!!
I’m upstairs reading one of my textbooks. Girly Girl comes upstairs and randomly says: Mom, I think you’re right.
Me: About what?
GG: About water being good for me and that it cools me off when it’s hot. You tell me that all the days.
Me: Well, I’m glad you believe me.
GG: Water is so cool. It’s clear. That’s like a blind white color, but sometimes you can see rainbows in it.
Girly Girl: When a creditor comes to get the ladybug, they lay real still and then they think the ladybug is a rock and they hop away and leave them alone.
Me: A creditor?
GG: Yep. Like a Kangaroo or a Lion.
Girly Girl: Breathing is healthy.
Little Man (very seriously): I like pizza, but we can’t eat too much pizza.
Me: Really? Do you know why we can’t eat too much pizza?
LM (nodding, again, very serious): Yeah.
Me: Why?
LM: Because if we eat too much pizza, we will grow into a pizza. But if I turned into a pizza, I don’t think Daddy would eat me.
Girly Girl: Oh! Are you doing the dishes FOR ME?!
Me: Well, I’m doing the dishes for everyone.
GG: Well, then. Thank you! You may continue.
Me: Little Man! You know you aren’t supposed to be in Mommy’s closet. What are you doing in there?
LM: Well…somebody just putted me in there. It was a mean guy! Yeah. A mean guy putted in me in there!
An evening’s conversation at the dinner table:
Little Man: This ice cream is in my tummy, but goldfish go down to my toes.
Girly Girl: Ummm…excuse me…I don’t think that’s right.
LM: Yeah. But Grandma says that I can’t give goldfish to her dog.
GG: Yeah. But dogs still have to eat. If they don’t, they will shrink down into smaller and smaller dogs.
LM: Most dogs say yip-yip-yip, but grandma’s dog says “WOOF WOOF”
GG: WOOF WOOF! Yip-yip-yip WOOF! WOOF!!!!
Girly Girl: My leg! My leg hurts! I can’t walk!!!
Me: I think it’s just asleep, honey.
GG: Why does it hurt? When I fall asleep it doesn’t hurt.
Me: It’s not the same thing.
GG: Is my leg having a nightmare? It hurts!
Little Man: I want you to be a human.
Girly Girl: I don’t want to. I want to be a deer. You be a human.
LM: Please be a human!
GG: No! I’m a deer!
LM: Ok. I will be the human.
I killed a little spider that scared me to death when it dropped down right in front of my face. Little Man was very upset. He put his hands on his hips and said angrily: Mom! That was just a baby spider trying to find his Dad! You killed a baby!
Bedtime stories by the kids:
Girly Girl’s story involved a princess and a castle, a magic cave, a giant monster who wanted to crush their castle, and lots of kind townspeople. The princess and the townspeople all hid in the magic cave and then eventually the bad guy decided to be a nice guy and everyone was happy.
Little Man’s story: There was a princess and people inside a castle. There was a giant tiger pouncing from place to place. The giant tiger CRUSHED the castle and all the people died. The end.
Girly Girl: You remember last Christmas we got Daddy a wallet and when we were there I got my water bottle?
Me: Wow. I can’t believe you remember that!
GG: It’s because I have a bigger brain than you.
Little Man playing with the train set at Barnes and Noble:
“Oh no! The train fell in the water. And the water has lava in it! AND mean sharks who want to EAT the train! And crocodiles! What are we going to do! We’re freakin’ out!”
At Cold Stone Creamery:
Little Man: Mom, what is THAT?
Me: A phone.
LM: A toy phone? For kids?
Me: No. It’s a phone for the workers.
LM: The workers have toys? That’s cool!
Girly Girl: OH! I get it! I thought St. Louis was a country not a state!
Family Friend: It’s a city.
GG (incredulously): WHAT!!!!????
Girly Girl and Little Man are playing, and I heard GG angrily growling out: “I said I don’t want that!”
I thought she was being mean, so of course, I tell her not to yell or be mean to her brother. And then they both corrected me. Apparently, that’s just how Batman talks. Duh, Mom.
The kids both had bananas, and I found part of a peel on the floor. I asked them which one did it, and this is their collaborative answer.
Girly Girl: That’s not my banana.
Little Man: Nope. Not mine either.
GG: It must be Daddy’s banana. (Who was at work at the time)
LM: Yep. Grown-ups should clean up after themselves.
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